Faith and Blessings

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

I've decided to *TRY* and start my 3 blog. I've never been a very successful "regular blogger", but I've always aspired to be. I always thought, "Hey, what a neat way to keep up with 'life in general' in a way that can archive all those special times and memories for years and years to come! The time has come to give it another run, in hopes that I can truly capture life's "little moments" as they happen. (Maybe then I'll be able to get the baby books updated! *lol*)


One of the major things that lead me to try blogging again is my recent "inner struggle" with my faith. Faith, church, family "traditions"... it's all a big deal, right? I mean, some people were brought up going to church every Sunday, some weren't. However, most of the time I would venture to guess, people tend to follow in their parents' footsteps and continue to follow the path they've been on from an early age. Up until very recently, I did just that.... well sort of. More "recently" I've been not doing anything at all really! :( I never even CONSIDERED "going against the grain" of my Catholic upbringing.  But because I have not been "doing anything at all, really", I wasn't getting the Faith I needed, nor was I providing that opportunity to my children. I wasn't very proud of that.


So, I have done a lot of soul searching and had some internal struggle lately as far as Faith goes. As I said, my parents raised me Catholic, in fact they still are very devout even though my brother and I are both grown and gone. We were the family that went EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY. Sat in the 4th row back, clear to the left side. LOL I think our names may be inscribed on those pews! LOL  I remember teaching Kindergarten CCD classes when I was in High School, attending "Youth Rallies" and going on a big trip to the National Catholic Youth Conference in St. Louis. It's totally not that I wasn't "involved" in the church...just maybe not "connected"?!... Once I graduated I kind of fell away, and was searching for my own way.  Once I had Haven, my parents basically were begging me to come back to church so Haven would have God in his life. I wanted him to have church in his life, too. I started going every week (well mostly lol) and got him Baptized, etc. Up until recently, I even worked in the church office as my 2nd job. That job totally was a challenge and so hard for me. People expected so much of me in that position, especially with another full time job and 2 SMALL children at home. I tried to give my notice 3 times but the Priest didn't want to see me go. I finally said, "MY FAMILY and MY MARRIAGE will not survive this anymore!" Once I was able to get out of the position I couldn't hardly THINK about going back to church there. I felt like everyone was still forming all their small town thoughts and opinions...and I just felt *shrugs* I don't know... NOT connected. We stopped going to church for a few months because I just couldn't walk back through those doors! Considering I live in the town I grew up in and it's the size of a microwave bag of popcorn....EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY THAT KNOWS ANYBODY...and they all make YOU their business!


Haven went to a one day a week preschool program at a local Lutheran Church. He was very intuitive and had a lot of innocent interest and intrigue. He started ASKING to go to church...a 4 year old! He began ASKING to pray at night ("Look mom, you kneel by your bed like this. That's what Lilo does on "Lilo and Stitch"). He began ASKING to go to every VBS he heard talked about. A children's faith is a beautiful thing. They don't see the politics or any unpleasantness. If only we could all have faith like a child, innocent, honest and pure!


Then back in May I followed the story of little Ben Ricketts. I don't know if you're familiar with it, it was ALL OVER Facebook and the news. Ben was 22 months old when he got tangled in the blinds in his room at nap time. They spent so much time at PICU at U of I and the outpouring of prayers on Facebook was inspirational...almost 50,000 people joined his "Pray for Ben" page!! But even beyond Ben and Facebook was Ben's family. Through such terrible times in their life, their faith and love for God ABOUNDED. I was amazed and also jealous. I had NEVER experienced faith like that. I had NEVER had a relationship with God like that! Between meeting Ben through Facebook and meeting a new dear friend that has a 3 year old daughter with SMA, a WHOLE lot of things got put into perspective for me. I realized that maybe part of it is that this is not where God is speaking loudest to me. I have nothing negative to say about my life or growing up Catholic. I'm blessed that my parents saw to it that I had church and God, values and morals! I just that I feel like I was at the point where I went because it was SUNDAY and because we were SUPPOSED to. I didn't want to go to church out of OBLIGATION, instead I wanted to go somewhere where we could CONNECT as a family and WANT to learn and grow together. 


Then one day when I was processing all of this through a wonderful conversation with my dear friend Cassie, she said, "You should come to church with us some Sunday. We only went once, but we're so wanting to go again!" She proceeded to tell me about St. Paul's and how the music was wonderful and how inviting it felt. So we made a "Church Date" to attend the first Sunday in July! All it took was that SUNDAY! We were amazed at the experience. Ironically, the first week was the start of a message series on FACEBOOK. Yep, FACEBOOK! I can only be amazed that through Facebook I found BEN and his family's BEAUTIFUL faith that inspired me to want MORE! And through Facebook I found my way back to wanting a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with God...and here is the pastor talking about what FACEBOOK can do in your life if only you let it! Talk about a message from God! :) I think that was my own personal "Godwink". I truly believe it's the message that God is sending to tell me that this is where we belong! 


We feel so blessed to have found a place where we feel compelled to be PART of SOMETHING...not just "attend". We look FORWARD to going as a family on Sunday... not just "go, because it's Sunday". We talk throughout the week about how much we now look forward to Sunday and the time we spend together at church. My husband that used to be "ho hum" about God and church in general is EXCITED to go...feels INSPIRED to get involved! My kids are experiencing such wonderful things through VBS, the preschool room, and the nursery. It's ALL there! We're not "obligated" anymore! We're EXCITED!! I struggle to find the words to describe all the things that have changed in my life or my heart in such a short amount of time. I feel overwhelmed and blessed all at the same time. I've learned a whole lot about faith and a whole lot about what's important in life and it continues to amaze me. Every single week we've gone (and we haven't missed a week yet!) some part of the Sermon, a bible verse, a song, SOMETHING speaks so deeply to me! It's amazing!


I know it's only the beginning of a lifetime journey in Faith. I know there is so much more to learn and live. I'm just very excited that for once I feel like I'm in a place that uplifts me and feels so alive!


I'm going to try to find a scripture or a quote to end each blog. (I'm not very good at knowing different scriptures yet, but I'm hoping to connect and learn more!) The one for tonight I purchased on a little wooden sign from the Christian Book Store not long after little Ben touched my life. I wanted to ensure myself that I would NEVER, EVER forget him. So I bought a couple little wooden signs to put up amongst my pictures, to remind me each and every day of the ways Ben touched my life and my heart.


                      "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"
                                                                                                               -Hebrews 11:1