Finding Strength through Faith

I still struggle to make sense of everything "teenager" but am finding strength and understanding a little at a time. Last Wednesday, Helaena and I went to the "Make a Difference Tour" which was an entirely Christian concert featuring: Toby Mac, Third Day, and Michael W. Smith. What an AMAZING experience!! I've never really been exposed to "Contemporary Christian Music" before attending St. Paul's, but I'm finding more and more that I love! I'm amazed at all that is out there. Can't believe I have had blinders on for so long! I have even spent some time listening to Life 101.9. I love in my truck that it shows the song title and who is singing it on the front of the display. It's helping me learn more about the music! Third Day, MercyMe, Toby Mac... great stuff!


This Sunday we became OFFICIAL MEMBERS at our new Church. It felt amazing to be welcomed into this awesome family we've become intertwined with over the last few months! I loved in our "Member" classes (which we did by DVD because of our opposite work schedules) the emphasis was all placed on what spiritual gifts YOU have and how YOU can share yourself and your talents to make the church a better place. They also emphasized living a Christian LIFE. I love that it's an active approach, there is so much to be involved in, and it all doesn't just revolved around just being in church on Sunday morning. That's only PART of the equation. And not only do they emphasize this...they LIVE this. 


During the sermon Pastor James talked about Saints for "All Saints Day". During this time he talked about the members of the church that had died over the last year. In essence he talked about how the world may look at this handful of people and say, "Well they're not that great!" but in all actuality each of them was! They were great spouses, parents, grandparents, bakers, craftsmen, etc. He challenged each of us to be GREAT. He went on to say, we're all here to SERVE not to be SERVED so we should use our greatness to serve others. It made so much sense. The message was awesome. The people he talked about, I knew not ONE of them, and yet their stories really were GREAT!


It's all made me stop and try to get a little grip on myself and my attitude. Things have been hard...OH YES! Each day has been full of challenge... FOR SURE. But I'm here to do great things. God never asks more of us than what we can handle. Everything happens for a reason and this challenge in our lives is all for a specific reason. Yes, my life is busy and I'm working on finding time for myself and my friends...but I'm OK because I have support. I just need to reach out and accept that support.


My husband and I have been working hard to become a united team front. It's not easy but it's achievable. We implemented family meetings in our house every Sunday when we get home from church with an official "agenda" and all. We're trying to keep the communication open and everyone on board so no ONE person (*cough cough* me *cough cough*) is feeling so overly overwhelmed by the entire life change. It's a step. A small step in a LARGE ocean of change, but this week already feels more blessed and less stressed!

Teach your children right from wrong, and when they are grown they will still do right.     -Proverbs 22:6

Encompassed by life...

So I've fallen off the "Blogging Wagon" for almost a month! :( No one excuse to blame really. More like a million! Life is busy, and dramatic, and overwhelming, and beautiful, and suffocating, and blessed, and... well who knows what life is these days anyway? I certainly don't. I've caught myself thinking I need medication or counseling or something to cope! LOL 


For the most part things have gone pretty well since Helaena joined our household. She is a pretty mature 13 year old. She is very faith-based and appears to have her head screwed on straight. She is also 13... constantly on the phone or texting, always on the computer (another reason I can't get on to blog) and rarely does her chores. *lol* Can't expect perfection, I guess! :) The only real problems we have encountered since she arrived has been with..... yep, you guessed it, HER MOM. I don't think there has EVER been a family that RELISHES drama more than the group down there. Anything they can do to continue to be a thorn in her side...yep that's what they want to do. Helaena has literally sat at the table and cried telling us that she was expected to do all of the housework and take care of her younger sibling and cook meals, etc. She has also told us she was TOLD what to do by her mom every step of the way. She has told us she has been grounded from facebook/myspace/computer and had to relinquish her passwords because she was trying to contact her Dad. Her mom CONSTANTLY texts her. Helaena HATES it. Her mom set a 9:00 phone curfew prior to her arrival... Who's text just popped up on the phone here next to me at 10:20 pm? Yep, one from mom. Everyone down there is mad she is here and everyone is trying to make her life miserable for it. Houston's sister is hugely in on the action too. Doing her best to tell Houston what a worthless father he is and how terrible he is handling being a divorced parent. It's coming at us from every angle, day in and day out.


Around here, I feel like I'm the one man army. I feel like a single mom to 3 kids. My husband's job is partly to blame. 4pm-2:30am is a SUCKY shift. But when we ARE all here I still feel overwhelmed and alone. I feel as though I'm expected to do it all. I feel awkward because I am "NOT" her parent, but I'm in that position the majority of the time. I feel like I should NOT be the person doing the disciplining or setting up the expectations...however I do NOT want to be the person that is being walked over or taken advantage of because the rules aren't being laid out.... it's just such a hard position to be in. She's already 13, already has 13 years of "this is how we do it"....even though how she "used" to do it and how our family "DOES" it are from two completely different planets. In fact, maybe 2 galaxies.


Amid everything, we filled out the paperwork to prove that Helaena has changed residences. We're not asking for her mom to pay US money persay... we're just asking to have OUR MONEY that is to be used FOR HER. And well... it could be 6 months! Take a number! I'm so worried about how to do Haven's birthday, or Christmas. Hell, I'm worried about having enough groceries for everyone. We've cut back where there are luxuries and are considering trading in our SUV for a van just for more space, better gas mileage, cheaper insurance, cheaper payments and overall cheaper cost of ownership. The thought in itself makes me cry. Literally. I know it sounds petty and selfish but it's the FIRST really NICE vehicle I've gotten for myself in my adult life. It's not new, it's got high mileage, but it's mine. And I feel horrible for being selfish but I hate that I may have to sacrifice that one piece of me. We really don't live with many luxuries. We cut down cable and such, but it's our only real "luxury" where we could actually save in our monthly budget. It still makes me cry.


Texted my husband today mid-day and asked what he was up to. "Watching Bones". Yep watching old TV shows through the miracle of Netflix and the Wii.... when I asked if he had all the stuff off the porch he has been promising he will take care of since OCTOBER FIRST, he got all snide and snotty. In fact he had the balls to ask me "Well what have YOU done this week?!" It turned into a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE like 2pm-9:30pm fight. On the phone tonight I say, "You KNOW the reason I was upset earlier isn't that you didn't have the front porch cleaned off?" He said, "No I know it's because I promised and haven't done it." I said..."Ok that sucks too, but really it's because I feel ALONE and you feel ENTITLED to time with the TV or Facebook."


Entitled. My damn husband feels like the teenage girl living under my roof. ENTITLED. I get NO waking minute of ANY damn day to myself, sacrifice anything that is "ME" and do everything for everyone and he's mad because I was interrupting his TV TIME. 


I know this is all probably making no sense I just really have missed blogging and really needed to vent so I could relax my body and mind and sleep. Honestly, the worst part of everything is just how EXHAUSTING it is. It's physically exhausting because everything is CONSTANT. There is always somewhere we have to be or something that should be done or something to cook or something to clean..... and I still work a regular full-time job. AND it's exhuasting because I never have even an hour to myself. Someone is ALWAYS with me. By the time they're all too tired... so am I. I had to force myself up out of bed to come blog tonight just to feel the freedom of time for myself. It's also mentally exhausting, especially WITH ALL the drama coming from down south. They are even posting on Facebook about how her dad's "track record" isn't the greatest. And the poor girl and well all of us who are "thinking/trying" to do the "right thing" are just caught in the middle. It's emotionally exhausting, too. It's constantly something and I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. I cant decide if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm even strong enough to do this at all. So at the end of the day.... I'm just flat out EXHAUSTED and EVERY molehill looks like a mountain and there is no reprieve in sight.


Regardless... right now I feel like I'm lost at sea. I feel like I'm very self-involved with our world of troubles and haven't done a good job at begin a friend or reaching out to my own friends. I just am not sure what end's up. So please bear with me and be patient. I'll learn to cope, I'm sure. And I love you all for standing beside me, no matter how self-involved I am or need to be right now.


I guess my plan right now is to survive. I'm clinging to my new-found faith, my church family, my friends, and my prayers...hoping to find the answers. And I'm trying to remember that God never gives us more than what we can handle. I'm sure things are happening for a reason. I just need to better learn how to Let Go and Let God.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

-Philippians 4:6

Life in Full Panic mode...

So this is the BIG WEEKEND. Houston leaves after work tomorrow night... We have been prepping the house, rearranging rooms, trying to get "more organized" (story of my life lol), and dealing with a little bit of DRAMA all at the same time. I feel like my mind won't shut off and I can't really get rid of that ball/knot/sick spot in the pit of my stomach. I've determined that I'm really scared of all the "uncertainties".  I mean I KNOW that she is coming. I know that life is going to change... but I don't KNOW anything else. The uncertainties make my head spin. I have to keep reminding myself to "let go and let GOD". 


Tonight I have been trying to wind down and relax so I can get some sleep...and here it is 12:30 AM and I'm blogging because I'm still having troubles. While I was taking a hot bath my mind was spinning. I don't really know what about just about everything. Usually I read a book while I soak in the bubbles but for whatever reason my mind was just too busy to relax. I got to thinking about my support group I joined last week for "blended families". The one thing the leader STRONGLY encouraged me to do as we do this huge transition was to develop a good relationship with MOM. I had difficulty coming to grips with this. Usually I'm not as Christian as I would like to be when it comes to this subject! I usually let Houston do the calling...and dealing and I just sit in the life I fully belong to and stay out of where I feel I really don't belong. So as I'm soaking in the tub I'm thinking... what would or could I ever really say to her. She has to hate me or strongly dislike me just for all "given" reasons anyway. But as I thought harder I almost felt as though God was asking me to follow this advice. I thought about how hard it would be if *I* were the mother, getting ready to give up *MY* child for an undetermined amount of time. I would be hurt, resentful, sad... And I decided that now was the time to make that "relationship" connection. I'm not saying I want to be best friends with her. I don't think that will be beneficial really to anyone. However, I wanted to reach out to let her know I understood her...mom to mom. And I wanted to make sure there was at least a bridge built over the gap. It may be a small, rickety bridge. It may even be missing a few boards. But it's a bridge. If my kiddos were living a whole days DRIVE away...what would be important to me? A connection. Any connection.


SOOOO.... I got my jammies on and came to my computer. It took a LONG TIME to figure out how to say in words what I wanted. I wanted to sound caring, not fake... compassionate, not patronizing. I still guarantee it's far from perfect, however, I did it. I messaged her...the rickety bridge has been cast over the rushing stream... 


Let me know what you think... it appears below.

Hey,


I know it's a super difficult week for you and I'm probably the last person you want to hear from... but I'm going out on a limb here! :) I just wanted to write to let you know that as a Mom, I completely understand how hard this week must be for you. I know it's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Whether I put your mind at ease or not, I just felt like I should let you know that it will all turn out OK. I commend you for having the strength to let Helaena do what she feels she needs to do at this point in her life.


I know I haven't appeared to be an overly active part in anything. Mostly it's because I felt that I needed to "mind my own business". I love the girls to death and watch over them via facebook, etc. I just never felt it was my place to jump in and post on texts, etc. It's hard to know where your "place" is in someone else's life... past and present. I never wanted you to feel like I was trying to step in where I didn't belong. They're YOUR girls. Now I'm getting the chance to be a little more involved with Helaena and I just want you to know that I'm excited to have the chance to build a relationship with her and I'll do my best to be there for her... but I'll never even pretend to take your "place".


I'm not sure how this whole divorce thing goes. LOL My parents have been married 30 years and I've never had to go through it first hand. I know I'm not perfect and I'm not entirely sure of what to do or say, but I'll try my best. I promise you I won't be the "wicked step mother" and I'll try my best not to make life TOO miserable on her! ;) But if you're comfortable, feel free to message or call or whatever if you ever have questions for me. If there's anything you want to know about here, school, etc... If you'd like for me to tape or YouTube activities so you can see/be part via modern technology or anything like that I'd be happy to. I know it's a huge adjustment for everyone, but I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to be distant or keep you away.


I really admire how involved you guys seem to be in your church and I think that's an awesome thing to bless your kids' life with. We recently started going to a new church and I have found a totally new view on Faith. It's amazing how it can touch and guide your life if you let it. It seems like Helaena is pretty passionate about church and we'll make sure she finds something that she can really connect with while she's here.


Is there anything else you'd like to see her do/stick with/ try? Any rules or expectations you have there that want to see her uphold?


Like I said, I'm probably the last person you want a message from, but I really just wanted you to know that I understand... especially from a Mom's point of view. I hope maybe we can work together to keep communication open! :)


-Kristin
**********************************************************************************
Maybe all this talk in our 40 days of Community small group is wearing off on me?! LOL Sometimes the best way to show Christ's love, is far from the easiest. God wants you to accept others, even when it seems difficult, or you'd rather turn your back and go about things a different way. God wants you to show Christian Love. It's his way.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

Romans 12:18

Let's agree to use all our energy in getting along with each other.

Romans 14:19

Memory Lane Monday... Third Grade

Third grade is the year that holds the WORST memories for me in all of my school years. In fact I hated 3rd grade so much I can't even put a picture of ANYTHING on this post! LOL


Anyway...here goes reliving the worst year of my school years... here goes nothing!

• I disliked my teacher SO much. Ms. Galey. She was so mean! She wasn't even capable of smiling I swear! I remembering kids in the class (including me) calling her "Miss Gay twad"... nice huh!?
• I got hit in the face with a swing on the playground and chipped my front tooth up. Miss Galey told me to get over it. She was so not compassionate. I was devastated and mortified I had to sit in class with a chipped tooth.
• I got picked on for my weight horribly. I just wanted to be one of the "cool" kids that got invited to the "cool" hotel birthday's. But nope!
• We had to do a "body shape" assignment for math and a girl turned around and told me, you're nothing but a big fat circle. I told the teacher and of course she again, didn't care.
• I had a HUGE obsession with New Kids on the Block! HUGE! My aunt bought me the "Hangin' Tough" concert VHS for Christmas. I had sheets (my parents still have them in the camper! LOL), a blanket, t-shirts and posters!
• I remember we learned cursive this year. I liked cursive.
• We also did a lot with multiplication tables.
• We did this super cool project that was a trip to Washington DC on paper. We plotted out the map and did daily "journals" of where we drove to/through, what hotels we stayed out, how much everything cost..etc. It was a SUPER COOL project! My partner was the other "Kristen" in the class.

Yep...that's about all I can remember from the year of hell. Seriously, I think I block most of it out... I HATED third grade!

Thankful and Blessed

 I can't even begin to describe how thankful and blessed I feel to have the close knit group of friends I have. It doesn't matter where life leads me, what struggles I face or what accomplishments I celebrate, I swear I have the best friends in the entire world! I can't thank my friends enough for what they do and what they bring to my life.

This strong, real type of friendship was shown to me this weekend in an outpouring of kindness and giving. It started on Saturday night. Between midnight and 1AM after I finished at Date Night, I came out to my truck to find a beautiful pink and brown leather-bound bible left in my seat. It's absolutely beautiful. Not to mention, my  name is engraved on the front! As someone that has just found "myself" and a real "adult" understanding of "Faith"... it was a beautifully, perfect gift.

After church on Sunday, Cassie and Josh, Caden and Cassie's Mom Stephanie joined us at our house for lunch. When we got here Steph & Cassie were all worried about what they can do to help. I barely had time to dump the soup ingredients together and Cassie tells Houston and I to come sit down on the couch. For the next 10 minutes she proceeds to empty a box one item at a time... a HUGE box mind you. She and Stephanie had gone out on Saturday and found everything we'll ever need to make the coolest teenage girl's bedroom! It's unbelievable. From rugs to throw pillows to sheets to comforters, to photo frames to desk supplies... EVERYTHING! It's completely unreal. I know that with the expense of moving her up here and the lag in the time where we have to pay child support but she's actually here...(just it's a large, unexpected expense that we weren't given much time to budget for) I know there is no way we could have done anything to the extent that they did. It was a HUGE deal. I just couldn't wrap my mind around it... still can't. I can't wait to put her room all together, hopefully with Cassie's help and eye for ridiculously fun detail. (Once the toys are all moved out!)  

It doesn't even have to be things so grand... but this just goes to show you what a wonderful support system of friends we have. I feel unbelievably blessed and grateful for all that God has given to me in the form of friends, family, children and life. Sometimes I think I take these people and things for granted because life gets to busy or I just "don't have the time"... I'm really learning to step back and appreciate the things that truly matter and not get caught up in the day to day stuff that in the end has no meaning.

Right now I'm taking part in a group for 40 days of Community within our Church. Our main focus is "love" and how to love unconditionally as God has created us to do. It's a wonderful eye opening study. And above all things it is opening my eyes to the things I take for granted. Life is not about success or failure, it's not about what toys we have or the trips we take. Life isn't about how big our house is our how nice our cars are... Life is about learning to love. Learning to love those around us even when we may not "like" them. I'm working on that part... loving everyone is not an easy thing to do. But remember to tell those we love is! 

TO ALL MY FRIENDS...the true ones...that stick beside me....push me to a better person, friend and mother. To those that listen without judging and stay in touch even when life is crazy.... I LOVE YOU!

As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man.

-Proverbs 27:19

Memory Lane Monday...2nd grade

image found at:
 http://northcarolinatheatre.blogspot.com

I'm sitting her racking my brain trying to think of 2nd grade and for whatever reason I'm having a hard time thinking of much! Usually when I start it all just starts to multiply from one memory to the "OMG, I SO FORGOT" next! So here goes nothing.... 2nd grade.

• I had Mrs. Dolmage for a teacher. She was quiet, nice and sweet. BUT you didn't want to get her mad! :)
• I remember my dad taught truck driving at Hawkeye Community College and he brought in a truck and trailer one day and let everyone climb in and on and around on it.
• I remember a farm kid in my class brought in a piglet that was born with like 2 heads and extra legs and all kinds of weirdness. It was not alive, it was mounted in a glass case kind of thing, but it was still rather creepy...cool, but creepy! :P
• I tried out for the High School Musical "Sound of Music" after being invited by the director to do so. I landed the part of Marta, the 2nd to the youngest VonTrapp kiddo. "I'm Marta, I'll be 7 on Tuesday, and I'd like a pink parasol!" I remember all the long practices, doing like coloring books and activities until it was my turn. It was so much work but so much fun. I LOVED IT! The High School kids were SO nice to me. The girl that played Maria even gave us all little gifts with personal cards at the end. I may even still have that card?! The thing I remember most was all the costume changes! OOOOH MY! All the fittings and stuff that went in to that were ridiculous, too!
• I was sick on my birthday this year. I actually got up and went to school (you're NOT supposed to be SICK on your BIRTHDAY, right?!) and right in the middle of "I pledge allegiance to the flaaaaaaaaa.............gggggggggggggggg..........bbbbbbbbbbbbbblah! Yep threw up all over myself, my desk and probably half the kids around me. WHOOPS!
• My Grandparents arrived that night I was sick. I was still lying on the floor in the living room. They had traveled into town to come watch "The Sound of Music".
• My "family" birthday party was the final night of the musical. My mom made a star cake and had cupcakes with  "MARTA" on them around the top... Hmm... I THINK that was for was my birthday, or maybe just to celebrate the musical since EVERYONE came from out of state and everything to watch!...??! Either way, it was all around the same time....
• I also threw up one other time when I was forced to eat sauerkraut. Still won't touch them! I remember throwing up in the lunch line where you had to go clear your tray.
• I'm not sure if this was EXACTLY 2nd grade or not, but around this age I remember listening to the truckers on the CB at my parent's Christmas Tree lot because it was out near interstate. I remember one time getting on the CB and trying to "strum up" tree business. I said, "Hey! Wanna buy a Christmas tree?" And some trucker replied, "Get off the radio little girl!" all mean like. I was PETRIFIED! (I think I had been given strict instructions to stay OFF the radio anyway! LOL Oops!)

Hmm... I'll have to think more about 2nd grade and perhaps add more later?! It must have been a pretty content year if I don't remember anything horrible or embarassing!? LOL

Memory Lane Monday (delayed)

Speaking of school memories...
here are Haven's beginning writings July 2008 <3

First Grade Memories... I'm trying to think of what comes to mind. I had a WONDERFUL teacher and a really GOOD year. Some of the things I remember most:

• I remember taking old Ties from our dad's to make a "Turkey" and all of his feathers for a Thanksgiving bulletin board.
• I remember having like 5th or 6th grade "reading friends" that would come once a week to read us books. My reading friend was Melissa, but all of her friends called her "Bud". LOL She made me a Christmas tree ornament (those like smelly cinnamon-y applesauce kind?) Well last I checked, it was still hanging on my Mom & Dad's Christmas tree! :)
• My teacher's name was "Mrs. Nelson" so we always read the books "Miss Nelson is Missing" (among the other 2 or 3 in the 'series'. It was so COOL our "teacher" was in a book! :)
• I remember a grandmother of a classmate came in every week for quite some time and worked with us to create oil paintings for our parents for Christmas. It was a covered bridge and snow and a log and trees. It was really beautiful... ours weren't QUITE so beautiful, however... my parents still have the one I painted them! I remember the coolest part of it was getting to pick out a kitty cat sticker to put on the log when we finished our picture! :)
• I remember that we got to "write" our first "books". They were hard-covered books that the outsides had cool designs on them. They were all in black and white so we got to color the outside with sharpies AND write a story or stories to go inside! It was SO COOL!
• I remember making a dainty angel out of pastas. I think this was Christmas gift material, too. It still hangs on MY Christmas tree to this day! :)
• I was such a nerd. I wrote a whole presentation on trees because my parents sold Christmas trees at the time. It was NOT a school project... just something I did with my Mom for "fun"! LOL I presented it to my class. And then later I got called to the Principal's office.... for an Academic Award! LOL
• Our Principal was named "Mrs. Hand"... my dad always called her "Mrs. Foot". She always wore noisy high heels and click clacked through the halls! She had big hair too! LOL
• For Saint Patrick's day... the "leprechauns" visited our room. The classroom was TRASHED (which resulted in an all day clean up/tidy up!!! :))! All of our desks were tipped over and everything. There was a trail of green and gold glitter up and out the window! :)
• I was a really good speller and always on the highest level of the class!

Yep I think those are the best memories I have of 1st grade! :) 

Changes and Challenges... Letting Go & Letting God

  So it's been all too long since I have been on my poor neglected little blog...and not because I have forgotten about it. In fact, I have caught myself several times thinking, "Oh this would be really good to blog about" or "I should really blog tonight". I even have 3 save "drafts" in here of times I've STARTED blogging but it just didn't make it very far before I had to quit for whatever reason. Regardless, it's been a very tumultuous week. 

Nothing really "bad" has happened. I still feel very blessed. It's just been a little crazy. And I'm pretty sure now, it's the beginning of a different direction in our lives.

Tuesday night, as every night at 9:00pm, my husband called me on his break. However, his lead off to our conversation was far from usual. "We've got a problem. I'm going to pick the girls up in 2 weeks, and they're coming to live with us." Uh... WHAT? Back up. Rewind. WHAT exactly is going on? 

Last year right before the school year started, there was some ugly stuff going on with the girls down in Oklahoma. The same thing happened with being told the girls were going to come live up here. And after I came to grips with it all I started planning only to have everyone decide "Never mind". I didn't want this to be the case again. It's kind of a "Sh** or get of the pot" situation if you ask me. Don't call and disrupt everyone's lives unless you're going to allow us to make the changes and follow through with them. If you're calling to say it's time for a change... then dang it lets try the change. At any rate, I didn't want another repeat of that situation.

Well tentative planning was done throughout the week as a few more phone calls were made back and forth. By this morning Houston said that Helaena (Ha-Lay-na) has decided she wants to come live here. Roxanne feels that she has already started High School and is involved with school, activities, Upward Bound, etc. so she wants to stay there. At any rate, things are about to change, for sure. The positive note to this is that mom is letting HER decide. So she WANTS to be here. And the thing she was most concerned about is if we go to church! She thought we went to the catholic church still and didn't feel comfortable going there! Hopefully she likes our new church! It could be a super positive change for her.

Regardless of positivity or negativity... I've really come to peace about it. Saying some prayers to do what's right. Asking for some guidance as EVERYONE makes a big transition. I've decided the best thing I can do in the situation is "Let Go...and Let God!"

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.   Jeremiah 29:11

Disorganization... and the need to feel ORGANIZED!

Haven's New Weekly schedule

So, it's only the 2nd day of the 1st week of the new school year and I am already excited and overwhelmed! It's always difficult to get everyone to establish a new "routine" and get everyone to fully accept and adapt to that routine. It makes everything feel a little up in the air and a tad bit chaotic if you ask me. 


Sunday night, Haven and I spent at the table together creating a "calendar". He helped me decide on pictures for each of his activities to help him know what "day today is". Monday is Preschool so we decided on an apple, Tuesday is daycare so we drew a cute little stick person "friend", etc. Wednesday is his HUGE day this year. He goes to preschool in the morning, Wednesday school in the afternoon and we can ALL go to 611 at Church on Wednesday nights! I'm super excited about this... more to come on it later! :) So we really had to get creative with our "pictures" for Wednesday's! Wednesday school and 611 are both at church... but both different Churches. Haven thought that a cross was the only fitting picture so we decided on 2 different colored crosses. I found a cute little heart magnet that he can move each morning to see what "day today is". It's nothing fancy, by any means...but he was as happy as a pig in mud! 


Luckily Haven is the only one with *BIG* schedule changes, but all of us have some adjustments to make, like: daycare days being switched, arriving to work early on Wednesday's, adding in new activities, etc. I'm really thinking at this point that *I* need a picture chart! LOL I'm really struggling to find a good "central command point" in my house. I am struggling to find a way to successfully store art supplies that they boys are using more and more frequently. I'm struggling to find a way to keep school papers close by that are important (ones to keep, ones to return, ones with snack ideas on them, ones with reminders, etc. etc. etc.), and store worksheets and artwork that comes home, and keep the budget balanced and the house cleaning on schedule and done. I need a place to keep the mail so it doesn't invade EVERY corner of the house. I need...well...help! I'm in need of an organizational makeover! What types of solutions have you seen used for school papers? What types of "Central Command" zone type of shelving/storage do you think would make the most of what LITTLE extra area we have...and STILL be very affordable?! I need a place for all of these "little" things that add up to one big disorganized problem!!!


The one thing I mentioned before that I'm UBER excited about is "611" at our new church. I'm so impressed because I'm used to the days of parents driving up to the door and dropping their kids off to run in for an hour of "class". I'm not exactly sure ALL the specifics because tomorrow is the first night, but it looks like 611 is a time for ALL church members Newborn-Adult to enjoy fellowship and the opportunity to grow in faith and knowledge! Hudson can go to the Nursery and enjoy "Christian Play and Fellowship". Haven will celebrate "God's Garden" in the preschool room, and I can attend either a "Knowing your Bible" or "Going Deeper" a group to discuss our upcoming church spiritual growth campaign called "40 Days of Community" and to discuss further the sermons given at worship each Sunday! I absolutely LOVE that they have opportunities for EVERYONE to be involved! It's FAMILY church night.. not just push your kids out of the car so you can watch an hour of TV uninterrupted night! 


Not only do they offer 611 but there is also "Sunday Morning Club". Hudson can again, visit the nursery. Haven can be part of the "Hero Headquarters" preschool program at 9:30 and/or  "Celebrating God's Word" at 10:30. Houston and I are signed up to attend a "small group" based on the "40 Days of Community" spiritual growth campaign. I'm really interested to see what this is all about. I'm so eager to learn more and grow in my faith right now that I'm thankful for this opportunity! And those are just the tip of the iceberg of what all is available and offered to Church and community members alike! (I'm also really looking forward to the one-a-month"Health Awareness" support group, starting on the 9th!) It's really amazing to see such great things happening. You can really see God working through these people and experiences! I, daily, find myself thankful that Cassie and Josh invited us to go to church with them just randomly one Sunday. I really feel like I have so much to offer to and learn from our new church! It's amazing, uplifting, and leaves my heart feeling very full! 

~Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

John 4:8

Memory Lane Monday... Earliest Memories: Pre-School/ Kindergarten

Discussing important "First Day" stuff! :)

How fitting that today is Haven's first day of preschool! I'm not exactly sure who was most excited today: Haven...who has been counting down the days until his "FIRST DAY!", Hudson...who got to wear his "new backpack" just to walk Haven to school, or Mom...who can't believe she is old enough to walk back through HER old school's doors...as a PARENT! It feels so funny to fill out HLV School papers and sign on the "Parent/Guardian" line! As we walked down to the (new, fancy, smancy) offices I see my old 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Nelson. I have fond memories of her...and her class! She looks at me, smiles and says, "Well, Hello! You can't possibly have a child old enough to be here!" Alas, I do! Impossible as it seems... it IS possible! Today is that big day!

 Haven was so excited to go meet new friends, learn new things, and be at the "big school"! So excited, in fact, that he forgot to say goodbye! (Hudson was really bummed about this!) He called me at work when he got home to tell me all about his day. He didn't even say "Hello", just dove into conversation about playing with play dough, finding shells in the sand, having teddy grahams and cereal for snack, and helping with the "really great rules" that he somehow couldn't remember by the time he called me! *lol* All the while, Hudson is in the background...VERY EXCITED that his big brother is home again! Mid-sentence Haven stops and whispers very loudly, "SHHHH... BE QUIET I'm TALKING to MOM!" After work, Haven was trying to remember some of the finer details about his day to share. Things like: "Mom did you know those little boxes where we put our folders are called CUBBIES?" To which I reply, "Yes, they are!" Haven stops and stares at me in disbelief for just a moment and says, "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?" When I go on to explain that I once had cubbies for MY folders he stares at me in disbelief. I guess it's hard to think of our parents as being KIDS! :) He already brought home "Home" work in his "Home" folder. We had to fill out a questionnaire about him. I asked and he answered Here is his 4 year old insight... I love it:

I would like to learn about... "Animals, How things Grow, How things Work" {... Seriously?! I was figuring this would be super heroes, or dinosaurs. Nope... my FOUR YEAR OLD fills out a PRESCHOOL QUESTIONNAIRE with "I want to learn how things work!"}

I can: ______ all by myself... "write my name, and turn things on and off"...... {he goes on to say he's now tall enough to reach light switches and stuff since he's BIG... love it!}

I know ______ at preschool... "how to listen!" ... {I hope he intends to listen at preschool as well as he fills in his questionnaire questions! LOL}

Anyway, it was an adorably adorable first day of "big school" pre-school!

As for my own "memories".... MEMORY LANE MONDAY First Memories Preschool/Kindergarten Edition begins...... NOW! :)

The only preschool I went to was Wednesday School. It was a one day a week preschool out south of town at the Lutheran church. I L.O.V.E.D. Wednesday school!
I remember:

• getting fun little name tags in different shapes and you had to match your name tag to the group/table to find your group.
• the "Birthday cake" that had Christmas light "Candles" you got to light 
• the "Birthday machine"... you got to put in a quarter... turn a knob...etc. etc... (HAVEN STILL GOT TO DO THIS SAME EXACT MACHINE last year at his Wednesday School Birthday!!!!)
• the monkey puppet that sang to you
• the "offering bucket" which was an ice cream bucket with a hole in the lid. It was passed around during song time each week.
• the murals on the walls of Bible stories
• music time... we had instruments made of sand paper on wooden blocks, ice cream buckets (man these must be a valuable resource! LOL), some triangles, etc.
• WEDNESDAY SCHOOL GRADUATION! It was the BEST. We got to wear "graduation caps" made of construction paper with yarn tassels. ADORABLE!
• carpools! There were SO MANY kids that went we car pooled. It was HUGE back in the day. Now there is only 7 or 8 ish to a class! :(
• denim bags made especially for us... they were dark blue denim tote-style bags with red initial letters sewn on the front! I wish I still had mine!!!

Yes... Wednesday school was DEFINITELY full of fond memories! <3 I was THRILLED to learn it was still going on and that Haven could experience it as well!!!

Kindergarten Memories:

• I remember Homecoming Week in Kindergarten. They made A HUGE HUGE deal of us because we were the "Class of 2000!!!" Can you believe it?! They made buttons for us that declared that too! (In fact, I saw one hanging on the wall in the offices today! Brought back great memories!) I also remember making Indian headbands with a feather (we were the Warriors) which probably is totally NOT politically correct anymore! :) We also made signs by cutting big red and black letters out to spell HLV. I remember a classmate being photographed holding hers upside down! lol
• I remember Mr. Tibben in music class. I really liked going to music class with him.
• I remember making clay "pots" (*HAHA* that term is totally used loosely!) in art class, and painting with those brick style watercolors!
• I remember having the big bulletin board that showed "The Helpers" such as line leader, etc.
• I remember Mrs. Roe's big sign on the wall that showed "right" and "left" hand prints in red and green with the words printed below them.
• I remember my new shoes and how excited I was about them. They were HIGH TOPS! The coolest of all cool! :)
• I remember wearing a horridly bright colored button down shirt with toucans on them. YES!! It's as ugly as it sounds! Not only was it ugly but it had tuxedo like TAILS on the back! O.M.G. The 80's! I remember my Daddy dropping me off at school and telling me not to get my "tails" stuck in the door. And I worried all day!
• I remember it being SO COOL that there were 3 KRISTI(E)Ns in my grade. We were infinitely bound to using our initials. (Kristin S.)
• I remember the little sticker charts we used as incentive to learn to tie our shoes!
• I remember making locker tags in December that were Santa's head. And each day we glued a cotton ball onto his beard until it was full in time for Christmas!
• I remember using rag rugs for nap time, and NEVER really wanting to take a nap! LOL
• I remember being completely and TOTALLY envious of the OTHER class having an (almost) life-sized horse to climb on and sit on during free play! Their room was SOOOO cool. That teacher still teaches in the SAME room...but I didn't see the horse today! I'll have to look closer next time! ;)

I'm sure there are other things that will creep back into my ol' memory back now that I've got the juices a goin'! ;) But actually I'm happy and surprised I came up with so much! I'll definitely have to start thinking of the coolness that was "1st grade" for next week! :)

~Behold, Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward...

Psalm 127:3

Faith and Blessings

"Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

I've decided to *TRY* and start my 3 blog. I've never been a very successful "regular blogger", but I've always aspired to be. I always thought, "Hey, what a neat way to keep up with 'life in general' in a way that can archive all those special times and memories for years and years to come! The time has come to give it another run, in hopes that I can truly capture life's "little moments" as they happen. (Maybe then I'll be able to get the baby books updated! *lol*)


One of the major things that lead me to try blogging again is my recent "inner struggle" with my faith. Faith, church, family "traditions"... it's all a big deal, right? I mean, some people were brought up going to church every Sunday, some weren't. However, most of the time I would venture to guess, people tend to follow in their parents' footsteps and continue to follow the path they've been on from an early age. Up until very recently, I did just that.... well sort of. More "recently" I've been not doing anything at all really! :( I never even CONSIDERED "going against the grain" of my Catholic upbringing.  But because I have not been "doing anything at all, really", I wasn't getting the Faith I needed, nor was I providing that opportunity to my children. I wasn't very proud of that.


So, I have done a lot of soul searching and had some internal struggle lately as far as Faith goes. As I said, my parents raised me Catholic, in fact they still are very devout even though my brother and I are both grown and gone. We were the family that went EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY. Sat in the 4th row back, clear to the left side. LOL I think our names may be inscribed on those pews! LOL  I remember teaching Kindergarten CCD classes when I was in High School, attending "Youth Rallies" and going on a big trip to the National Catholic Youth Conference in St. Louis. It's totally not that I wasn't "involved" in the church...just maybe not "connected"?!... Once I graduated I kind of fell away, and was searching for my own way.  Once I had Haven, my parents basically were begging me to come back to church so Haven would have God in his life. I wanted him to have church in his life, too. I started going every week (well mostly lol) and got him Baptized, etc. Up until recently, I even worked in the church office as my 2nd job. That job totally was a challenge and so hard for me. People expected so much of me in that position, especially with another full time job and 2 SMALL children at home. I tried to give my notice 3 times but the Priest didn't want to see me go. I finally said, "MY FAMILY and MY MARRIAGE will not survive this anymore!" Once I was able to get out of the position I couldn't hardly THINK about going back to church there. I felt like everyone was still forming all their small town thoughts and opinions...and I just felt *shrugs* I don't know... NOT connected. We stopped going to church for a few months because I just couldn't walk back through those doors! Considering I live in the town I grew up in and it's the size of a microwave bag of popcorn....EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERYBODY THAT KNOWS ANYBODY...and they all make YOU their business!


Haven went to a one day a week preschool program at a local Lutheran Church. He was very intuitive and had a lot of innocent interest and intrigue. He started ASKING to go to church...a 4 year old! He began ASKING to pray at night ("Look mom, you kneel by your bed like this. That's what Lilo does on "Lilo and Stitch"). He began ASKING to go to every VBS he heard talked about. A children's faith is a beautiful thing. They don't see the politics or any unpleasantness. If only we could all have faith like a child, innocent, honest and pure!


Then back in May I followed the story of little Ben Ricketts. I don't know if you're familiar with it, it was ALL OVER Facebook and the news. Ben was 22 months old when he got tangled in the blinds in his room at nap time. They spent so much time at PICU at U of I and the outpouring of prayers on Facebook was inspirational...almost 50,000 people joined his "Pray for Ben" page!! But even beyond Ben and Facebook was Ben's family. Through such terrible times in their life, their faith and love for God ABOUNDED. I was amazed and also jealous. I had NEVER experienced faith like that. I had NEVER had a relationship with God like that! Between meeting Ben through Facebook and meeting a new dear friend that has a 3 year old daughter with SMA, a WHOLE lot of things got put into perspective for me. I realized that maybe part of it is that this is not where God is speaking loudest to me. I have nothing negative to say about my life or growing up Catholic. I'm blessed that my parents saw to it that I had church and God, values and morals! I just that I feel like I was at the point where I went because it was SUNDAY and because we were SUPPOSED to. I didn't want to go to church out of OBLIGATION, instead I wanted to go somewhere where we could CONNECT as a family and WANT to learn and grow together. 


Then one day when I was processing all of this through a wonderful conversation with my dear friend Cassie, she said, "You should come to church with us some Sunday. We only went once, but we're so wanting to go again!" She proceeded to tell me about St. Paul's and how the music was wonderful and how inviting it felt. So we made a "Church Date" to attend the first Sunday in July! All it took was that SUNDAY! We were amazed at the experience. Ironically, the first week was the start of a message series on FACEBOOK. Yep, FACEBOOK! I can only be amazed that through Facebook I found BEN and his family's BEAUTIFUL faith that inspired me to want MORE! And through Facebook I found my way back to wanting a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with God...and here is the pastor talking about what FACEBOOK can do in your life if only you let it! Talk about a message from God! :) I think that was my own personal "Godwink". I truly believe it's the message that God is sending to tell me that this is where we belong! 


We feel so blessed to have found a place where we feel compelled to be PART of SOMETHING...not just "attend". We look FORWARD to going as a family on Sunday... not just "go, because it's Sunday". We talk throughout the week about how much we now look forward to Sunday and the time we spend together at church. My husband that used to be "ho hum" about God and church in general is EXCITED to go...feels INSPIRED to get involved! My kids are experiencing such wonderful things through VBS, the preschool room, and the nursery. It's ALL there! We're not "obligated" anymore! We're EXCITED!! I struggle to find the words to describe all the things that have changed in my life or my heart in such a short amount of time. I feel overwhelmed and blessed all at the same time. I've learned a whole lot about faith and a whole lot about what's important in life and it continues to amaze me. Every single week we've gone (and we haven't missed a week yet!) some part of the Sermon, a bible verse, a song, SOMETHING speaks so deeply to me! It's amazing!


I know it's only the beginning of a lifetime journey in Faith. I know there is so much more to learn and live. I'm just very excited that for once I feel like I'm in a place that uplifts me and feels so alive!


I'm going to try to find a scripture or a quote to end each blog. (I'm not very good at knowing different scriptures yet, but I'm hoping to connect and learn more!) The one for tonight I purchased on a little wooden sign from the Christian Book Store not long after little Ben touched my life. I wanted to ensure myself that I would NEVER, EVER forget him. So I bought a couple little wooden signs to put up amongst my pictures, to remind me each and every day of the ways Ben touched my life and my heart.


                      "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"
                                                                                                               -Hebrews 11:1